The Rooftop Club
by SaveTheWorldGetTheGirl
Summary: I don't want to give anything away but it's pretty sensitive stuff and I hope I don't cause any offence to anyone but it's just fiction and it's just an idea. If you do have any issues please PM me :) So it's pretty Jac focussed with some Janny near the end. Pleeeeeasseee review on here or on twitter @HannahOfBrannah :D xx


**Hellooo :) I've been toying with this idea for a while and so I've written a long-ish one-shot because I've got my other fic which I will update later today :) Anyway, enjoy and please review. xx**

Usually Jac wouldn't dare to touch the germ-ridden handrail that snaked alongside the loud metal edged stairs. However this was the first step she had to take as she entered the block of flats having been buzzed in by a neighbour after claiming she had left her key inside. She had of course not left her key inside; Jac wasn't allowed a key and God knows when her foster parents would be home. She reached out her pale hand and let her long white fingers wrap around the black handrail tightly until the whiteness of her knuckles could be seen clearly through her now transparent skin. She pulled herself up on to the first stair. Walking up the stairs wasn't so unusual in itself but there were slight differences in the way she was doing it to how she had done before; normally she wouldn't touch the paint-peeled handrail at all for fear of catching some deadly disease from one of her drug abusing neighbours. She was also staring at everything she could; she took in every damp stain on the walls, every initial graffitied on in red, blue and black spray paint. She also noticed the contradictory loudness and silence of the building she was climbing; racket came from behind every door but because of this, everybody was silent. Nobody would talk to the other neighbours because no party wanted to get involved with whatever the other was doing; no old age pensioner was going to tell her upstairs neighbours to turn their music down, no single mother was going to shout at the local youths for being rowdy outside her door as she tried to get her child to sleep because speaking would just make the situation worse. Jac had learnt this before she had moved here; in her first children's home you didn't ask the other children to leave your precious few belongings alone because they would get torched; you didn't tell them to stop calling you names because they would kick the shit out of you instead.

She had at first thought it might be different outside of the children's home, or holding centre as she preferred to call it. The couple who had fostered her, the current couple she was living with, had seemed nice and interested in her when they had chosen her especially from a group of children who were all trying too hard to be noticed. But then Jacqueline Burrows had never known perfection to last particularly long, especially not for her anyway. So now she knew to keep silently about what he had done to her, because nobody would listen and nobody would care and everything would be ten times worse. So she kept her mouth zipped shut tight. She didn't even cry or scream because they were just as bad if not worse than speaking.

She reached the fourth floor; she was breathing a little heavier as she had begun to jog her way up feeling the adrenaline rush of what she was about to do reach her legs with such force she felt weightless as she flew up the stairs two at a time. However at the beginning of the fifth floor, her legs began to tire. She had already required their impromptu use earlier that day to outrun some local yobs shouting obscenities at her and they hadn't quite forgiven her for that yet. The fifth floor stairs were therefore taken at a slower pace, but the pace was still confident and each stride was in rhythm with the next. She decided this was a better method of climbing the remaining two floors of her building; the height of which was short compared with other buildings where she lived but fitted the purpose for what she was about to do. A drop from that height would most certainly cause life threatening injury if not death. This would be absolutely perfect. Her white sneakers screeched on the steps leading up to the seventh floor causing her to suddenly stop and sway. She gripped on to the rail tighter, her knuckles about to burst out of her thin filmy skin. She listened so intently for about a minute; she was being extra cautious. Usually trainers were running up and down these stairs every day and as a matter of fact many people had pushed past her on their way up and down the stairs several times before now so why did it matter if her trainers made a noise? She didn't really know and eventually figured out that it was more suspicious her hanging around every time she made a slight sound with the shuffle of her sneakers, than her stomping up the stairs loudly wearing tap shoes.

Then there she was, stood on the very top floor of the building, now touching an equally pathogenic bar that if she pushed slightly would grant her access to a new set of stairs. This time the stairs were made of cold hard concrete and in fact the air around in her in the tiny space she had suddenly found herself in had become chilling. There was no hand rail to hold on to this time just plain brick walls lining the meter wide, several stair-long space for her to run the fingers of one hand across, while she pulled the two sides of her cardigan closer together to keep in some warmth with the other. In reaching this set of stairs she new exactly what was on the other side of the dark green door she stood in front of. She only knew it was dark green because she had now forgotten about being cold in the excitement and had brought out a small torch from her pocket and was now eliminating the space in front of her; a couple of inches between her and this door. She put her free hand on the green door which was as cold as the brick walls had been. She little bits of paint fall away even as she applied the minimum pressure of her small hand to it. Then she pushed a little but nothing happened; this door had not been used in a while and it had jammed.

By the time she got through the door her shoulder was already beginning to bruise, but the pain had long since subsided as there were more pressing matters for her to think about. The blinding sunlight was not welcome as she stepped out on to the rooftop as she had previously been in complete darkness. It was contradictory too; while it was extremely bright and sunny, the temperature was freezing or just about it and the top of the building had been smothered in snow. She hadn't thought to bring gloves or a big coat with her; she was not appropriately dressed at all in her drainpipe jeans, thin navy cardigan over a band t-shirt and white sneakers. This was wellington weather and big fur coats and woolly hats were also advisable. While she had stopped noticing the pain in her shoulder, she certainly shivered and once again pulled her cardigan together. She hunched her shoulders to make herself smaller too as she slowly and very cautiously walked closer and closer to one edge of the building.

To keep people from falling off, poorly constructed metal bars were running along all of the edges of the building; however, Jac found it quite simple to hoist herself up on to them and make herself a very unstable and thin seating area. She kicked out her legs and regretted it for about a millisecond as the bar shifted slightly in the same direction. Then she realised why she was up here in the first place and she kicked out her legs again, but this time she did it harder; the bar moved again but more violently. The first few times she did this she felt the adrenaline rush of being completely helpless at the top of a very high building but as a 'child' naturally would, she became bored of it and looked down almost suddenly. The 'street' below her was in fact a back alley and the only living things down there at the moment were a creature that could have been a dog or a cat but from this height was unrecognisable and also what she assumed was a homeless man, laying out various pieces of newspaper. It was a long way down; she began thinking, which was perfect for what she wanted to do. Although for now her hands remained stuck to the freezing cold metal bars to which they were gripping hard. This wasn't the first time she had found herself at the top of this building. Nor was it the first time she had found herself at the top of any building, and she hoped it wouldn't be the last. Whilst her chill settled in and her skinned ripped in the cold air biting at it, she began to reminisce about how this whole thing started.

It had begun three years earlier when she had been abandoned by her mother and she was placed in a care home. Everybody there obviously had their problems but very few liked to talk about it; instead they acted as normal as they could, except for one group of children who Jac was of course immediately drawn to believing herself to be different and enigmatic. She remembered not being able to start a conversation with any of the group and instead spied on them for a week or so; she followed them around everywhere they went. Sometimes she would have to follow one of the group members because they would split up and usually it would lead to nowhere but then one day it happened and she found exactly what she was looking for. Lucy Elizabeth Andrews was the name of the girl that Jac had chosen to follow that day. One could tell that once upon a time this girl had been extremely pretty; she was the type of girl who the parents at the schools would tell you to make friends with because she looked nice. One could imagine the when she smiled it was ever-so-sweetly with brilliantly white teeth and glimmering eyes. However, as Jac would soon find out, her parents had both been killed and so her aura had darkened and her once beautiful blue eyes were now extremely dull of any expression and her brown hair was uncared for, left to knot and get greasy. She became severely malnourished but in times like these nobody cared. Jac followed the skinny girl inconspicuously upstairs and then, after five minutes she clambered out of the girl's bedroom window as Lucy had done before. She looked around for a minute before finding the girl sitting very closely to the edge of the roof.

Three years in the future, Jac looked down again from her metal bar and saw the huge difference in height from where this had all began. She went to put a thin strand of her hair behind her ear; the rest of it was tied up. While she agreed that it looked better flowing freely, this was about her making a stand against everyone who had oppressed her and especially against the man who would run his large dirty fingers through it... She kicked out her legs hard again and made the bar wobble unsafely and yet it and the girl remained.

Back on the rooftop of the children's home, Jac carefully worked her way over to where the older girl was sat.  
"What's your name?" While Jac was shocked that the girl had known she was there, she didn't lose her footing and instead sat next to the girl before she answered.  
"Jacqueline Burrows, how about you?"  
"I'm Lucy. I noticed you were following me."  
"I was just curious... about the... well about the group you have."  
"The rooftop club."  
"You just sit on rooftops?"  
"Come on Jac, I'm sure you understand a bit better than that." However much she had insisted on being called Jac, nobody had ever listened to her and yet without being told, this girl had already shortened her name as though they were best friends. Jac tried to piece everything she had learnt together, wanting to impress the older girl who sat beside her.  
"You never smile, neither do the other two. You must be incredibly sad all of the time. So, you come up to the roof and then what? Do you want to jump?" The last part of her open thoughts was said with a little tremble; she had never met people like these before.  
"Well yes and no and that's the point. For our little gang, there's a difference between wanting to jump, needing to jump and knowing you could jump."  
"What's the difference?" Jac had forgotten where she was and she wasn't phased at all by the slight wind that had picked up or the fact that the roof was slanted and one movement could send her rolling down on to the concrete path below.  
"Well, some people want to jump because they feel like they have nothing left and just want it to end; perhaps they have been treated badly or whatever. Therefore, most if not all the kids in this care home, would want to jump but none have them have got the balls to actually do it." For any ordinary twelve year old, none of this would have made sense, but for Jac, it was as though this girl could read her mind. "Needing to jump is different. When you feel like you need to jump you most certainly will. That's when you've hit rock bottom, when you can see no way forward and you've got no one else to blame but yourself. Don't worry though, I'm in the next category so you won't be cleaning my guts up any time soon." Jac became intrigued as the girl made jokes about something so morbid and serious.  
"What's the next category?"  
"The next category is basically the rooftop club. We want to jump and we could do it, we _want_ to do it, but we don't want to let them win; we don't want to let _those _who put us up here _win_. So we'll bide our time. This category is for those who could do it, but just to spite people we're not going to." Again, it was as though the girl had read Jac's mind; "So, the question is Jacqueline Burrows: could you do it?"

"Come on, Jac. It's definitely your fault this time." She began thinking out loud because there was nobody up here to hear her anyway. She watched her breath erupt from her mouth and for a moment she was fascinated by it. But then she got down to the business in hand once more. "You've always known there was something wrong with you, something that repels other people, something that makes them want to hurt you. It's your fault. Come on, it's time just jump down; there's nobody there, no one at the bottom to save you. It's the perfect opportunity. But if you stay up here in the chilled air you're going to get ill and that would make them mad. It really is always your own fault."

"No. He came into my room last night, I didn't invite him in; I never invite him in. Was that my fault then? Do I need to barricade my door? No; it has to be _his_ fault this time. This one and only time it's him. You want to jump; you can jump but you're not quite there yet, you still have more fight. You are Jacqueline Burrows, you are made stronger stuff. You don't need to jump because you haven't quite given up yet." She had a conversation with herself; it was the only way to convince her brain that she could carry on; she was stronger than this. She was just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. She swung her legs back over the bar, which was hard because they were sticking to the frozen metal. Her face was extremely pale and her lips and fingers were turning blue; it was time to return to the warmth of the building.

"How do you know if you can do it or not?"  
"I think it's different for different people. When I sit at the edge, I feel an adrenaline rush and every part of my body is telling me to just go for it. I want to, I really want to. But then I think, not today. I'm feeling stronger than that today. Maybe next time."  
"I think I could jump."  
"You sure?"  
"What's the point of me being here? I don't have anybody. I'm not scared of dying. My dad died and I could go and be with him, wherever he is. But then what's the point of jumping? I've got more to do; I've still got the chance to... to well... I don't know, prove I can do something with the little I've been left."  
"Welcome to the rooftop club Jac."

The circumstances were different now. While she looked almost the same as she did when she was fifteen, everything about her was different and it had only become so in the last hour. For the first time since Joseph had left, she climbed up to the top of the hospital. It was raining, how very poetic. She had her standard issue NHS jumper on but she pulled the hood down she could feel the rain on her face. It felt different somehow.  
_"I'm just going to get my colleague to look at this; I'll be back in a minute."_  
That only ever meant there was something wrong, and she knew it.

"Ms Naylor, both my colleague and I have noticed some abnormalities with the scan..."  
She was right; they were coming back with bad news. But she doesn't have any conditions? Does Jonny? Why was she worrying? She never wanted this baby in the first place. That was a lie and she knew it. She wanted it from the moment she found out about it; but she was ice queen Naylor and couldn't let anyone know. She had to ride her bike till her helmet was taken, she had to be nonchalant about the whole thing, and she had to block Jonny out even though all she wanted was him and their baby and a proper family. But even she herself did not know this yet.  
"I think we're going to need to tests to confirm it but at the moment, it doesn't look like the baby is developing properly. Which could lead to-"  
"Learning disabilities, deformities... I know, I'm a surgeon."  
"Jac?" Jonny leant beside her, and whispered her name, but that was it. He couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. He was in shock.  
"What can we do?"  
"We have to wait for more tests but I think the damage is going to have a severe impact of the child's quality of life, if it survives." A lump was rising up through her throat and she couldn't help the little sob that came out. Jonny didn't move a muscle; he wanted to put his arm around her but at that moment all he wanted was for someone to put their arms around him. It was now that Jac realised how much she had wanted this; the second she knew that it was gone, she realised that she wanted it more than anything. She needed Jonny to hold her but out of the corner of her eye she could see him staring at the screen. She thought for a moment he had glanced at her but she knew it would only be a look of hatred. This had to be her fault and he must have been thinking the same thing. Neither of them were listening that closely to the consultant; scans had come back, opinions had been shared and now he was standing in front of them and there was one thing they had to listen to.  
"In these circumstances I'm extremely sorry but we have to suggest that a medical termination would be the most appropriate form of action now.  
"No." While neither had looked at the other and they had been almost silent for the majority of the time, they said this in unison but glances were still not shared.  
"It is of course up to you but you need to seriously consider what kind of life, if any, this child is going to have. I'll leave you two alone for a while, you need to let the news sink in and make a decision."

Their decision was what had led her here. She had wiped away her tears and had told Jonny that they she didn't want to bring a child to life with disabilities so severe it would no kind of life. At first Jonny disagreed but it was only because of the grief. What he didn't see yet was her grief; it seemed her momentary lapse of emotion in front of the consultant had disappeared and she was back to being the heartless, cold woman who could brush this away just like that. Did he really know her at all? There was clear hatred in his eyes, well, clear to her anyway. She realised that she had just lost everything. But she quickly changed her mind because she never had it anyway. She would never have anything apart from her job and was that something so important? It used to be. Not anymore; not when she looked at the grand scheme of things.

So she made her way up the stairs; she wasn't allowed to use the lift for these things. The rooftop club always used the stairs because it made what they were about to do, or not do, seem more important for some reason. There was only her and Thomas Hayes left of the rooftop club now; two members had become category two and so had ended their lives with a fall. Lucy, the one who had told her all about it was now happily married and had sent an email to the group inviting them all to her wedding, but none of them went, it would be strange to do so. She was now no longer in a category; she didn't climb up to the roof at all anymore. Jac sat herself down for a moment on the damp brick wall at the very edge of the hospital roof. She kicked her legs a little but the longer she waited the more she would have to think about it. She couldn't do it. She needed to jump, she had become category three.

Jac had been gone for a while now and Jonny had no idea where to look for her. He had tried half-heartedly for about an hour. He was still grieving and he wanted to go home, but contrary to Jac's belief, he didn't hate her. He needed to see if she was okay. He needed to hold her and apologising for not doing so in the room where the bad news had been given. He was just about to give up, but then an idea struck him. She was so good at hiding things. She must be grieving too; she would want to be alone though. She would want to be completely alone. Where would she be completely alone? The basement? Or the roof? He tried the basement first; it was dark just like his mood.

She swing her legs round so she was back standing firmly on the roof. However her current position was too safe, so she looked at the wall she had just been sat on and lifted one foot that would bear the wait as she lifted the rest of her body up on to it uneasily. She swayed a little and the rain was blocking her vision, she wanted to see where she would be landing so waited a little while for the rain to calm down, but she remained standing on the ledge.

She wasn't in the basement; he had looked and looked but no. She must be on the roof and so he ran to the lift once more.

"Jac!" His voice sounded so desperate that all of her will to jump disappeared. He wasn't angry, she could hear every other emotion in his voice but he wasn't angry. Her heart lifted in that moment even though she was still extremely depressed. But he was there to comfort her. She couldn't see his face yet but she could tell all of that from his voice. She wasn't in that category anymore. "Please come down. I'm so sorry." That was what she needed to hear, she spun around as quickly as she could.

But she forgot where she was, listening to his voice she forgot that she was standing on the very edge. She lost her footing. Her face turned to confusion as she fell backwards now. She heard him shouting and screaming; she needed him to reach for her there was still time. Then there was too much height difference and she realised there was nobody coming from her. She began screaming too. Anyone watching would have thought that the time it took for her to reach the ground was a couple of seconds. But it was enough time for Jac to think about everything; her life really did flash before her but was replaced by Jonny's face leaning over the edge... and then she hit the ground.

**I didn't want to give anything away before you read it but seriously, I am not writing anything like this again for a while. D':**


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